I have been reading lots and lots of books these days. I am a big reader, so I figure that the more I can read, the more prepared I will be for the big changes coming up, aka, having a baby! So I am finishing up one book that has actually been enjoyable, while reading fifty others while also searching the internet. There is so much information out there and I have realized that it is quite overwhelming. I realized this in hinds sight of course.
I had a mini breakdown this weekend. My doctor gave me a couple of books and is already pressuring me to do things that I hadn't planned on doing. When I asked her about some of the questions that have been weighing on my mind, she pretty much (in my non-dramatic, definitely not over-emotional state) said that I couldn't do what I had been planning on. That's really when I began researching and feeling inadequate. It's never good when your doctor pretty much opposes your ideas. I did find out, from a friend at work who saw the same doctor with her last baby, that this woman is a specialist in the field and that she pretty much always thinks that any way but her way is bad.
I felt better going into the weekend, until I started reading the books that the doctor gave me. I began to freak out. Seriously freaking out. Not only did I find most of the things in the books stupid, but I also felt that this was just another way to pressure me into doing something that I didn't want to do. Pressure might not be the correct word...perhaps a better description of what was going on here was that the book was trying to guilt me into it. It worked. I became so frustrated with the whole thing that I started crying. I tried to talk to Jon, but he just didn't understand why it was such a big deal. We had made a plan, and I shouldn't let the doctor or her recommended reading mess with me.
After several hours of crying and thinking and trying to sort all of this out, I began to realize that Jon was right. The thing that I didn't like, however, was the fact that these books were telling me that basically if I didn't do what they were telling me, I would not be a good mother. I realized that the reason I was taking this so hard is because I was doubting that too. I, like any mother-to-be, want to do what is best for my child, but I think there are limits. Some stuff just sicks me out totally, and I am no super human or anything.
So in the mean time, I decided that Jon and I are going to have to come up with a plan to combat the doctor so that we can stand firm on the decisions that we have made. I am pretty sure I will be mean if the situation calls for it. She should be used to the fact that most pregnant women are a little crazy, so it probably won't be anything out of the ordinary. Plus, it's not like we are making an uninformed decision here. We had researched this stuff and decided on it long before we even got pregnant. So there!
So this mini-breakdown that I had on Saturday has proven to me that reading all of these books and gathering every bit of information is not going to be the best idea for me. Especially considering my, apparently fragile, state of mind. So for now, I am switching to Jane Austin. That always lift my spirits!
5 comments:
yes...only read fun books! Doctors are so stupid sometimes...especially when it comes to things like this. Other friends of mine have interesting stories where the doctor has made them feel that they aren't good parents and stuff for really inconsequential things that 10 years ago, the doctor barely cared about. Have you ever thought about hiring a Dula (sp?). She's basically a patient advocate for you during your pregnancy, and they are more holistic in their thoughts about pregnancy. They don't take the place of a doctor, but they supplement the education and teaching while helping you with YOUR birth plan and making sure the doctor understands it. I've just heard some really good things about them.
I just googled it, and the proper spelling is DOULA....wikipedia it and see what you think. The type of Doula that I have heard about is a labor/birth support one.
Yeah, I may have to check it out. I was about to call you on Saturday, but honestly I was having a hard time pulling myself together enough to talk to someone about it. I want your opinion on the subject...so I may have to call you this week! By the way, are you moving soon??
I'm free...call whenever. We should be done and starting to move anytime in the next month. We probably won't know until 1-2 weeks before we're supposed to be out. You'll be one of the first to know. Pretty sure we'll make it your way.... :)
Just remember it's your life and your baby. You love your baby more than she possibly could and you and Jon will make the decisions that are right for you and your family. Don't let any books or doctors make you feel bad at the choices you make. And also don't feel bad if you totally change your mind a dozen times about what you want to do or how you feel.
For example, I thought I was going to have a totally unmedicated childbirth and took 24 hours of Bradley Method classes for that reason. We'd found a birthing center with midwives and the whole nine yards. Then, it turned out that Colton boy was breech and I had to have a c-section. So, that kind of changed my plans for sure. But, however he came into the world, he is still my precious baby boy and I'm his mama forever.
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