My friend, who lives overseas, posted an article today that got me thinking. Basically the article describes what it is like to live in two different countries/cultures. The author describes it using shapes. Briefly, you are from "circle" country, so you are a circle. The circle moves to a new place, "square" country and participates in the new customs of square country, but is not square because they are a circle. What this causes is essentially a "mutation" where the original circle becomes a triangle...part circle and part square. The article goes on to discuss the trials that can come from being a triangle that is trying to re-enter the circle culture.
The reason I share this is because I find it very interesting. I guess a part of it hit very close to home for me. I have not had the good fortune of living in another country, although I would very much consider myself a triangle. When Jon and I were first married, we worked with international students, predominantly Japanese. While I cannot speak specifically for Jon, I am sure he would agree with me to some level. I have been deeply impacted by the Japanese culture and feel that my relationships with students and friends changed me into a triangle that is often misunderstood.
While working with these students, our goal was to show them how much we valued their culture, in effort to expose them to various parts of our culture. As students, new to a country (and becoming triangles themselves), it can be incredibly difficult to learn the language if you only speak to others in your native tongue. These kids had to learn English at astonishingly fast rates and at deep levels. They were, after all, attempting to take college level classes in English. I cannot comprehend college level classes in another language! Anyway, we were there to help ease students through that transition and to develop relationships.
As it so often turns out if you let it, it was not simply the students that were deeply impacted through these relationships. We were too. I often wonder the impact on me was greater than it ever was on them. I fell in love with the people of Japan, and I learned to value their culture. We celebrated with them, learned to cook with them, and spoke with them. When I look back on this time, my heart was full.
When we moved to Wyoming, I thought that somehow that chapter in our lives would close, but surprisingly it did not. We met other international students that we quickly fell in love with. Some were Japanese, while there were also Sri Lankans, Koreans, and Saudis. We continued the same approach and found room in our hearts for these cultures as well. When we talk about our friends, I don't think people realize what we mean or how deeply these relationships have impacted us. I don't think people understand what I mean when we say that we love Japan. I don't think that anyone would suspect the longing that comes when I eat or make tonkatsu. It's a recipe that my best Japanese friend taught me in Oklahoma. In Wyoming, I made it for our friends Kyong (from Korea) and Emi (from Japan). Emi was delighted when she ate it because it was just like her mom's. From then on she joked that I was a better Japanese cook than she was (which, by the way, was completely untrue!). Shopping at the Asian market always gets me too! We cooked together, learned from each other, and lived life together.
Oddly enough, it's like Jon and I are in this little "club" that consists of our experiences. He and I are the only ones that really get it because we are "triangles" of similar influence. Living here, we have experienced a bit of loss because we do not have any of these international friends that have shaped us so deeply. While we are still in contact with many of our old friends, it's the daily interactions that I long for and miss.
As I write, it almost feels like nostalgia, but it is difficult to explain how it is not. We had a baby shower at Jon's work a few weeks ago and they asked about how we decided on the name. I cannot explain how we came up with our second daughter's name without first explaining Hannah's name. It can probably be done, I am just far too long winded for that, while I also find the little details important. We chose the name for our firstborn child because of the Japanese meaning. Hannah originally means "grace" I think, but that is not why we chose it. We chose it because of the Japanese meaning which hopefully honors our "triangle-ness." I hope that she can understand for herself the joy that sharing your heart with diverse people can bring. Our lives will never be the same as a result of these experiences. While it has been over seven years since our time in Oklahoma, I still find that my heart is catapulted across the world when I smell certain things, when I hear certain types of music, or when we get a phone call from old friends. These are experiences that have changed me on a deep level, and even though it was a long time ago, I will forever being a triangle. I think that is a pretty fabulous shape to be and am grateful for who I am as a result of these experiences.
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