I miss writing. Being a first year teacher last year, I did not have much free time to do things that I enjoy. Between learning to balance work and home, I think Jon and I did a fantastic job of staying present and enjoying life. We were tired though, so any leftover energy was spent with our family. Hence, the lack of a blog post in over a year. One thing I, surprisingly, had time for though was writing. A couple of my classes were called Writing Lab, so in effort to model good writing, I wrote with my students every day. Sometimes I wrote about nothing, sometimes I wrote stories, and sometimes I wrote about my current frustrations or stresses. Nonetheless, I wrote.
Over the course of several months, Jon and I made some difficult decisions for our family. The predominant difficulty might have been on my end because it had to do with MY job status. Jon got a new job in February, we found out I was pregnant, and I decided that I was not a good fit at my school. As a result of all of the change, we ultimately decided, after three or four months of discussion, that I would stay home this year. It was an incredibly difficult decision for me for multiple reasons, but I am certain that it was the best decision for myself and my family. In August, all of my friends were going "back to school," and I found myself relieved to be exempt from that additional stress.
One of the main reasons that I chose to stay home is the cost of daycare. It is REALLY expensive! Hannah will be going to kindergarten next year, so the expense will not be as bad. The other, more significant reason for staying home, was Hannah. She's been "the only" for a very long time. She's four and a half (today actually-happy half birthday Nan!), and has been the only child, grandkid, and niece for this entire time. While she is completely ecstatic about being a big sister, we are not naïve to the fact that she will probably go through a major adjustment period in all of this. It will be difficult for her to share the spotlight with a new baby. We are preparing for this now and hope that it is worse in our heads than it will actually be. However, attempting to deal with this while Jon and I are both working, and dealing with the demands of a new baby, seemed like a bit too much to handle. So I chose to stay home. It has been fabulous for our family and I hope that it continues to be that way.
With all of the above said, the one thing that I miss terribly about working is my time to write. I am an English teacher, and I am supposed to love literature, although it is not my passion. Don't get me wrong, I love books and have developed a love for complex works over the last ten years, but writing is my passion. I love teaching writing, and I love to write. I think writing is incredibly important for kids and it seems to be a skill that so many of them lack when going into college or the workplace. I believe that anyone can have a novel ideal, but if they cannot express that idea, it is nothing more than a simple thought. I have lots of thoughts, and I find that there are few outlets for me to express those thoughts right now.
One of my favorite expressions comes in the form of stories. If you have read my blog before, this may not come as a surprise to you. I love to tell stories. Historically, this blog has been filled with stories about Hannah and often celebrates her in our lives. That will not go away, but I found myself locked into that and unable to write freely. I want to tell people's stories. Someday, I hope to write a book of stories about people that relate somehow. Specific right? Nonetheless, I have felt an intense desire to write stories. Not only do I want to write the good ones about how wonderful my little girl (soon to be girls) is, but I also want to write some of the bad things, stories that have been in my head for years, and certainly other stories that come in the future.
Writing helps me stay connected to my profession. It helps me be creative. It helps me sort through things going on in my brain. Writing is often therapeutic. So I am going to write. While this blog may take on a slightly different form, I am here writing for me this time. I am writing to have a memory of my children's lives. I am writing to be intellectually stimulated, and I am writing because when I do a piece of my heart feels full.
While I will be writing more and posting less pictures, I couldn't, in good conscience, write my first post in over a year and not post a picture or two. These are from our recent trips to a couple of pumpkin patches in the area. Happy Fall!
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