Bambi's Mom Lives

So I was planning on going hunting with my friend Michell this fall. I wasn't actually going hunt deer, but antelope (see right) instead. I thought (and still think) that it would be pretty awesome to go because it would fill your freezer for months, if not the whole year. This may sound sick to some, but I really have no problem killing an animal as long as you can eat it. I never intended on becoming one of those hunters that kills everything (bears, moose, mountain lions) just for the thrill of the hunt or even to help control the animal population. If I can't eat it, I'm not shooting it. That was my intention.

I still have no real aversion to the act of hunting. It's the gun. I hate guns, and pretty much always have. It really didn't cross my mind that I would have to get over this fear/hate of guns, until just recently. I never really considered it, and thought that when we practiced I would just somehow miraculously get over it. Not so much! It scared the poo out of me! It made my stomach churn and my hand shake (not a good thing when aiming either). I got a little more secure by the end, but then started imagining having to carry it all day, belly crawl with it, and do whatever else was necessary to spend an entire day, probably weekend, and maybe more of hunting for the perfect shot. That's what got me. I imagined that the gun wouldn't be loaded when we took it out. Then I would just load it when I was ready to shoot. That is not the case...you actually have to load it and carry it around like that!

So I decided, after many self-given pep talks, that I would not do it. I couldn't stand the thought of walking around all day with a loaded gun. I think the stress of that alone would make the whole thing miserable. So I had to bear the bad news to my friend this morning. I think she understood, but was a little disappointed. I am a chicken when it comes to guns, and I'm okay with that. I am rather disappointed myself, as I was looking forward to the freezer full of food, the mount that I was going to be give to the Shelton's at some point (perhaps for Christmas), and the fact that I would get to be out tromping around the mountains for days on end. Oh well. I think I made the right decision and know that I can deal with it. Maybe it will give Jon and me some time to go out and camp among the changing Aspen trees, while enjoying the crisp fall weather.